Archive for the 'Parody' Category
Tags: disney, Disney Echo, Disneyland, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, movie trailer, parody, Rich Koster, Walt Disney
Tags: Apple, iPhone 4S, Siri, Song of the South, Uncle Remus, Walt Disney
I’ve spent the day testing Siri out, helping David Pogue as tech reviewer/editor of his upcoming new book iPhone: The Missing Manual.
It’s all about Apple’s iOS 5 running on iPhone 4S, iPhone 4, and iPhone 3GS.
After having “conversations” with the Siri intelligent personal assistant on the iPhone 4S, weird thoughts come to mind.
Such as, I’d like Siri to be available in alternate voices/personalities. Imagine an Uncle Remus Siri – an interactive app giving you advice like the beloved character from Walt Disney’s “Song of the South”…
“I’m running away from my troubles.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Child, there ain’t no place that far.”
“What’s today’s weather?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “It happums to be one ah dem Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Days. Now dat’s the kinda day where you can’t opem yo mouf widout a song jumpin right out of it!”
“Text Mom about my flight on Saturday.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “You mean you’s leavin’ your old Briar Patch?”
“What’s on my schedule today?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “The weather’s good, the fishin’s fine. Now what do you do with all of your time?”
“Will we need an umbrella?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “My, oh, my what a wonderful day! Plenty of sunshine heading our way…”
“What is the meaning of life?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “It’s the truth, it’s actual. Everything is satisfactual.”
“I have to get rid of a body.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “For’sure?”
“Yes, I have to get rid of a body.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “I sure hope you knows what you’s doin’.”
“I really have to get rid of a body.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “It just goes to show what comes of mixin’ up with somethin’ you got no business with in the first place.”
“How far is it to Atlanta?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Hmm, powerful long walk to Atlanta. Is you brung some grub?”
“Set timer for 20 minutes.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “One! The Tar Baby, he don’t say nothin’. Two! Brer Fox, he lay low with the fidgets. Three…”
“Who’s your daddy?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Well, now, lemme see. That I can’t exactly say, ’cause I ain’t been keepin’ close track as I used to.”
“I kissed a girl and I liked it.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Well, now, if that don’t bang my time. You know, I was just figurin’ on somethin’ like that myself. How’d you like ol’ Uncle Remus to go along with you?”
“Where can I get drugs?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Well, now, that I can’t exactly say. ‘Cause where ’tis for one mightn’t be where ’tis for another.”
“Are there prostitutes in this town?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Everybody’s got a laughing place, a laughing place to go ho ho!”
“I love you.”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Oh, I knows. I knows. But I’m just a worn-out ol’ man what don’t do nothin’ but tell stories.”
“Do you love me?”
Uncle Remus Siri: “Oh, I zigs and I zags, I to’s and I fro’s. That’s what you’re askin’, and that’s what you knows.”
“Uncle Remis Siri, you’re the best assistant ever!”
Uncle Remus Siri: “And don’t you never forget it.”
Tags: Christmas, Disneyland, jungle cruise, Magic Kingdom
Why doesn’t the Jungle Cruise have a Christmas season overlay?
Every year at Disneyland the Christmas decorations go up for the holidays and even some of the park rides and attractions get into the Christmas spirit with special theming.
The fireworks show becomes “Believe…In Holiday Magic” and concludes each night with magical Southern California “snow” falling. The Haunted Mansion is changed into the home of Jack Skellington for a “Nightmare Before Christmas”-style “Haunted Mansion Holiday”. Santa’s Reindeer Round-Up can be found at Big Thunder Ranch. Even the ever-singing tiny dolls in “it’s a small world” add Christmas carols in a multi-cultural holiday celebration.
But each year at Christmas time, Adventureland’s oldest attraction gets left out of the festivities.
Ever wonder what it might be like if Disneyland’s Jungle Cruise had a Christmas overlay, too? No? Well I’m going to show you anyway, as I present. . .
Those of you adventurers now entering the world-famous Jingle Cruise, please notice there are two lines. The one on the right is for those on Santa’s Naughty list and the other on the left is for those of you who are Nice. Ma’am, I think you’re on the wrong line.
Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Would the party that lost their Christmas shopping money, a roll of 50 $100.00 bills wrapped in a red ribbon, please report to the turnstile … we have good news for you. We found your red ribbon.
As you step into our Jingle Cruise boat, some of you might want to come sit near the engine and our Christmas chimney (pointing to the smokestack near the center cushion). We like to balance out the boat so when we sink, we go down evenly.
Everyone turn around and wave good-bye to the folks on the dock we’ve left behind. Smile! They may never have a chance to unload that stale fruitcake on you again.
I wasn’t always a Skipper here. Before I came to the Jingle Cruise, I worked at NASA one Christmas season as an rocket repairman. But I left on medical leave because of a bad case of missile-toe.
As we leave the last outpost of civilization, we travel deep into the mouth of the Irrawaddy river of Asia into a tropical Christmas rainforest. Feel that wetness on your faces? Yes, that’s rein-deer. Santa never could potty-train them.
Look at all of the elephants out here in the water today! It’s okay to take pictures… they’re modeling the trunks they got last Christmas.
All of those pachyderms in the water are wading for tonight’s visit from Elephanta Claus!
My friend @mainstreetjake warned me to be on the lookout for gorillas in the mist. Uh-oh, remember what Ralphie’s dad said? Those gorilla’s don’t. They’re gonna shoot their eyes out!
Every year at this time, one of those gorillas likes to beat his chest and swing from Christmas cake to Christmas cake. We call him Tarzipan!
And now, we’re approaching the beautiful Schweitzer Falls, named after that famous African explorer, Dr. Albert Falls. And over there is a recreation of his beautifully-decorated Christmas tree, named after that famous African shrubbery, Dr. Albert Tree.
We’ve turned onto the Nile River at Christmas time and if you don’t believe in Santa you must be in denial.
Look at all the Christmas phants here on our Jingle Cruise! You can see the pachyderms are Christmas phants because they have no el (Noel).
My friend @maintreetjake tells me that if you ever wanted to see what his mother-in-law looks like eating fruitcake, well look right there. *points to bull elephant*
Our Jingle Cruise now brings us to the Africa veldt, where the tigers and cheetahs are awaiting a visit from Santa Paws.
The lions are also in a festive mood, eating that zebra with their sandy claws.
Don’t worry kids! Those lions are really just opening their Christmas presents. Look at that zebra-print gift wrap!
My friend @mainstreetjake warned me that this is what happens when you drink too much egg nog! Look at the hyenas! They’re ho ho hoing their way to the naughty list!
Safari Trapped by Rhino:
That rhino’s wearing his Christmas present: a new horn. The lost safari thinks it looks sharp on him.
Uh-oh, the water wings those hippos got for Christmas are defective and need to be returned: They’re blowing bubbles! Don’t worry, the hippos only charge when they’ve used up all their Christmas cash.
We’re entering headhunter country now. The skeletal remains of my last crew are over there in that canoe. They always enjoy Christmas — they’re still smiling.
We’re deep in headhunter country now. That shrunken head is sad he couldn’t go to the Christmas party. He had no body to go with.
These African natives really get into the Christmas spirit. They love to sing “Jungle Bells, Jungle Bells, Jungle all the way!”
Beautiful Schweitzer Falls is upon us again. The overhanging rock formation will afford us a different view this time. I have a special treat for you, folks. You may never have seen this before… there it is: the backside of water!
No we didn’t retheme that joke for Christmas. Christmas is the time to repeat favorite things. And if you don’t believe me you must be in denial. Don’t make me go back there!
Ah, there’s Trader Sam! When Trader Sam was a boy, his parents wouldn’t let him have a dog for Christmas. They made him eat elves like everybody else.
Last year Trader Sam had grandma for Christmas dinner. She was a bit dry and leathery so he used plenty of grave-y.
One year over the holidays, Trader Sam gave up eating meat and tried the Christmas tree diet. You guessed it, he got tinsel-itus!
One chilly Christmas day, Trader Sam almost missed Santa… only got a cold shoulder.
Return to Civilization:
And now, probably the most dangerous part of our journey- the return to last-minute Christmas shopping!
If you enjoyed the time we spent together, this has been the world-famous Jingle Cruise. If not, this was it’s a small world holiday.
My thanks to Danielle @DeeMagicGurl and Jake @mainstreetjake for the inspiration of this column. Illustration by josh pincus is crying.
Hilarious video by an ex-Walt Disney World Cast Member
This guy landed a job at the most magical place on the planet: Walt Disney World. He narrated and animated his confession about some of the crazy stuff he did while working there. Key word: “some.”
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Tags: cocktails, Disney's California Food and Wine Festival, food
Due to all the construction going on to improve Disney California Adnenture, the park’s annual Food & Wine Festival has been cancelled for 2011 and 2012.
I can’t wait until Carsland opens at DCA and the Food & Wine Festival comes back. Imagine the “DO Drink & Drive” marketing opportunities!
Flo could sell Piston Cup refills of blended wine… “Organic fuel,” according to Fillmore.
Mater could say, “Git-R-Drunk!” and Lightning McQueen could reply, “Ka-chow! Ker-rash!”
Then they could run this actual clip from the movie:
Lightning McQueen: You know, race cars don’t need headlights, because the track is always lit.
Dusty Rust-eze: Well, so is my brother, but he still needs headlights!
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